2019

Changing direction

I blinked and 2018 was gone… I worked hard, played harder and even managed to find time to get married!

2019 looks set to signal a complete change of direction…. When I agreed with my husband and daughter that we would expand our family, I did not contemplate all the changes that would come with it and EXCITEMENT TOOK OVER! The sickness, nausea and tiredness I’ve experienced has made me reflect on my achievements and perhaps all the things that I will be temporarily giving up (or so I hope). If I’m honest, it can be daunting and exciting all at once.

Last year my biggest disappointment was that I couldn’t find time to write and blog, I chose to take new work opportunities, taking on new work projects and extra responsibilities so that I could gain further business exposure in order to further develop my career and take the opportunity to travel for business. Of course, all this comes with certain sacrifices, less family time, less social time, less fitness time, few extra kilos. Parallel to the less attractive side of diving into your career is the personal growth that can be experienced. Working with people across Europe and the US helped me broaden my life experience, communication skills, social networks and team building skills BUT my most treasured side of the experienced has been learning and understanding cultural differences, negotiation, patience and determination!

So, 2018 was a great year for my development and personally I hit a new height… I mean I found myself in a place I never thought I would reach…. Stability at work and in my personal life! I even got married, it sounds funny, it writes even weirder! Four years ago, I didn’t think that I would be in love, married and that my daughter will know what having a dad is.

Then we decide to add to our family, having another child is something I said I would never do! Lesson here, NEVER say never!
Now, after over 12 weeks of sickness, tiredness, nausea, eating bread (out of necessity) and gaining 6kg I am scared of what’s to come. I know being a mum this time will be different, my daughter will be a great sister but I can’t help to wonder will she get jealous? will she worry? for the past 11 years it has been just me and her, she is everything to me but despite her excitement I must also consider how she will feel when I might not be able to give her my undevoted attention, something I also cannot envision.
I know my husband will be a great dad, he already is. He has done so much for my daughter in such a short time, that doesn’t detract from the fact that my previous experience has left me a little scarred!

The biggest fear comes from the change to life as I know it! I’m out of practice, my daughter slept like a rock, she didn’t throw tantrums (until now) …. I’m scared of becoming mumsy… loosing myself, being always tired!
My memory of being pregnant with my daughter was lovely, I enjoyed being pregnant, I wasn’t tired, I slept well, I got huge and got back to my normal-self very fast!
I’ll be honest, I am scared that my body won’t recover like it did before! Despite being fairly healthy certain life routines like lack of sleep, skipping meals and waves of stress has left me in a shape that could accurately be described “not my best”.
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful or like I am complaining I know of so many women that have been unable to conceive and won’t take to my trivial worries kindly but I am worried because I am aware that my body takes longer to recover from everything… hangovers, colds, jetlag, constantly tired… I gain weight by looking at cakes and it takes forever to lose any of it!

You could say that planning really helps you achieve your goals but the reality for most of us is that despite careful planning and strategic decisions you never know what is around the corner, you never know how love can change your life and all your careful planning. Big exciting year ahead for my family, I am extremely excited to see my daughter become a big sister and the change of dynamics to our family! I am excited to see how my views, dreams, goals and plans will evolve!

Until next time, stay kind and beautiful!

Love,
Julie

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